Accelerate Your *Sex* Life: Fraternization

Have a mediocre sex life? Is sleeping your way through the other ships on the waterfront not doing it for you? Well do we have some advice for you from our friends at the USNI — try fraternization!

Yeah making love is nice, but have you considered sex that is punishable by court marital? Having sex with a stranger is scary enough (it’s why you do it), but nothing is like having sex with a stranger whom you could lose your job over.

Talk about a lip-biting experience! That’ll make the behind-the-bleachers make-out you did in high school seem like Nala and Simba’s scene in Lion King. Just fuck someone who you legally can’t have sexual intercourse with and you’ll be sure to compare them to everyone you make love with the rest of your life, especially if they’re in your chain of command. And don’t worry, frat doesn’t add to your body count, just like drunk calories aren’t cheating your diet.

At press time, the Navy Nurse Corps is still out of enlisted SEALs to date.