Is She Enlisted or Not? An Officer’s Command Holiday Party Dilemma

You can almost here Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away” as she turns around. Her perfect hair whips around underneath her reindeer ears headband. Your eyes lock with hers, and she flashes you a playful smile. She walks up to you, and it’s like she’s gliding towards you in her Santa skirt. Suddenly she says “I haven’t seen you around the office before!”

Your heart stops. There’s one thought screaming at you in your head - is she enlisted?

Okay man, stay calm. Just ask for her name. Maybe she’ll say her rank.

“Hey, my name is redacted.” She immediately responds, “My name is Michelle!” with another perfect smile. Goddammit. You look around, every single person in the command is definitely staring at you now.

Okay, maybe you can walk to get another drink together. What’s the harm in that? Someone will have to run into her and mention her name.

No luck. She gets at least seven “Hi Michelle!’s” from both officers and enlisted. Is she someone’s spouse? No, she wouldn’t have mentioned the office if she didn’t work there.

You get to the bartender, and thank God he asks for her CAC. You try to sneak a peak, but her finger is covering her rank. Goddamit. Finally, after you get drinks, you shoot a Hail Mary.

“So what was your commissioning source?”

She laughs, leans in, and whispers “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer too.”

At morning press time, you decided to keep it at first name basis.