Admirals Begin Working For Tips

DEERS recently announced that admirals were going to begin working for tips. After all, they aren’t retirees or dependents just trying to squeak out a living in a shitty economy working on their feet all day like, say, commissary baggers. These flag officers have been getting paid hundreds of thousands of dollars a year for most of their careers - do they really need any more money?

Now, I would understand the need to pay working-class individuals a living wage. Imagine, for instance, you work at the commissary as a bagger. You’re likely either a retiree, a kid in high school, or a dependent spouse (who left behind everything to support their husband/wife in the military). Imagine if these people worked for tips like a street busker? Unimaginable.

I understand it might be unfair to rich navy officers to make them work for tips, but think of the extra incentive there would be for them to work harder! Think about you needing to sign off on your DHs DHRB. After all, a guaranteed salary year after year would make anyone a bit lethargic in the office, don't you think?

At press time, Commissary Baggers were still receiving a living wage. Thank God the military values its community so much.