LTJG Shocked Khakis Don’t Fit After Three Years of Hard Drinking

LTJG Fatsoh opened his closet with horror at his crumpled khakis and a belt he cut way to short. Surely he hand’t gained that much weight. Maybe a little chunkier, but not fat.

“Jesus Christ, how did I let this happen?” Fatsoh said. “I did everything right, I worked out five days before the PFA, I only have 12 drinks a night, not including shots, how?”

At press time, Fatsoh was eating a salad drenched in dressing in a desperate attempt to lose weight in 48 hours.