Department Heads Encourage Unqualified LTJG to Kill Himself

“Do it bitch!” The DHs laughed as they egged on the unqualified LTJG crying on the wardroom couch with his a razor blade to his wrists. “Where’s your qual? You’re useless until you have your qual!! Why didn’t you come to us for advice, huh? Why didn’t you beg us for boards? Might as well just kill yourself because you’re useless! Also, you can’t sit on the wardroom couch until you’re qualified, so go cut yourself somewhere else! And do you really think a Gillette blade is going to do it?”

Meanwhile, the burnt out 23-year-old had no idea what he did wrong, not knowing why a piece of gold plastic on his chest meant so much. He just knew no one in his professional life valued his existence.

At press time, the SWO community was wondering why they had a retention issue.